Sex Ed

The first time I kissed a boy I was 14
Bodies and mouths pressed together
Knees felt like water
Threatened to buckle
Heat spread throughout my body
Lightheaded
I was a kite in the clouds
It was delicious
The boy was not a boy
But a man half again my age
Attracted not to the girl I was
But the woman’s body I wore
Hips wide
Breasts full
Unblemished and new
A shiny Maserati on the showroom floor
He wanted the first test drive
In the naivete of my 14 years
I didn’t understand his motivations
Only that I was wanted
Only that I was seen
Sexual Education for girls in the southern United States
Consists mainly of adults saying “Don’t do it.”
Pamphlets and images of diseased genitals
If you have sex this could be you!
Reminders that God only likes virgins
That having sex means
You are a chewed piece of gum
Stuck to the underside of a desk
That having sex means
You are a piece of tape
Stuck to too many things
And is now worthless
Your body is the most valuable commodity
You could ever own
Guard it with your life
I lost my virginity at 17
In the darkness of the High School theater
Backstage on a prop couch
We fumbled with our clothes
Not in love
Just wanting to know what it felt like
I wondered if it would be like the movies
A tangle of limbs and sighs
Or like the books my mother read
Two people trying to merge into one
It was nothing like the movies or
The books my mother read
In a word Disappointing
It was over before it began
I wondered if it ever really happened
I learned sex wasn’t a big deal
I learned to pretend it was
For his sake
I married my first husband when I was 18
He said I was beautiful
Made promises he had no intention of keeping
Marital rape wasn’t a crime in every state in the US until 1993
Even then there were loopholes
Even now people don’t believe it exists
Even when you tell him to stop
Even when you tell him it hurts
Even when he laughs as
You are curled up in a fetal position
I was told that is what men do
I was told that my body belonged to him
I was told he could do as he pleased
I was told it was my fault for getting married
Even though for girls like me
Poor and barely educated
Wife was the only acceptable occupation
You learn how to be sick
You learn to go to sleep early
You learn how to get out of your obligations
Most of the time
One in 3 women and one in 4 men
Have experienced some form of physical violence
By an intimate partner
Which includes slapping or shoving
One in 4 women and one in 7 men
Have been victims of severe violence
By an intimate partner
Which includes beating burning or strangling
The first time he tried to hit me
I told him I was leaving him
He pushed me down on the stairs
Pulled his fist back
I found the diary I started when I was 11
Seven years of youthful proclamations
Written in excited cursive
My first kiss was at 14
The first blossoms of love
My first lesson had begun
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Sex Ed by Idgie Stark is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Author: idgiestark

Writer of things.